he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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