Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
