If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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