I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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