she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
