I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
