I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
