The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
