Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this will be a night to untag.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
