then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize