my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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