Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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