I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Couch. On fire.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
