he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize