I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
