I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Randomize
