Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
