If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
