I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
