Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
