evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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