she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
