All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize