do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
