new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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