If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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