I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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