I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Green mimosas i think yes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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