it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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