where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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