Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
