Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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