Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
