Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.

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(510): View more from California

Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him

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(925): View more from California

Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?

(1-925): View more from California

Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.

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