Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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