No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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