i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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