Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
