whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Randomize
