On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
