my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
