is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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