Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He felt like a one man threesome
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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