Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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