so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
