Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont even know how to be here
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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