i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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