WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
