apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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