Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
