saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
