The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
