Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize