Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
