May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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