i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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