You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
