Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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