walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
