New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
