I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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