Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
