During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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