i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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