Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
