But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
