alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
