Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
