Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
