Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
