Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
