This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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