I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
