Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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