Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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