i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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