Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize