if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
