Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
