is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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