someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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