Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize