I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
