i don't like sucking hair
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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