Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
