he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
