Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
