Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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