the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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