His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize