Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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