Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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