I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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