Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
