It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
