Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
