A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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