My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize