party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
