im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
