im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
