garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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